DiaryINDEX｜past｜will
| 2003年08月02日(土) | 関係をよくする２５の方法 |
今日もお天気です。東北の方はまだ梅雨なのかしら。早く明けますように。
検索してみたら、けっこうお天気みたいだな。
風を通しています。まあ暑いしちょっと汗ばむけれど、なかなか気持いいです。
ジャズもいいな。
オードリーヘプバーン（化粧品のCMを見ていて、素敵、と思った）。
昨日のお夕飯は、サバのみりん干しとカリカリベーコンのシーザーサラダドレッシングをかけたサラダ。それに、こんにゃくとインゲンとゴボウの甘辛醤油炒め。美味しいって言っていました。サラダの具は、サニーレタス、かいわれ、粉チーズ、カリカリに炒めたベーコン、それから、ドライなオニオン。
うちの息子やパパさんはサバのみりん干しも結構好きなんだな。でも息子はどうも
野菜を残しがち。私は生野菜を馬のように（？）バリバリ平らげる男が好きです。
下記は女性向けのサイトからの抜粋です。女性にとっての男女関係、夫婦関係などについてのアドバイスでしょうけど、男女関係に限らないような気もします。
家の中にばかりいないで散歩に行ってこい、と旦那さんから電話があったので、
ちょっとお出かけしてきます。
と思って、シャワーを浴びていたら、夜になっちゃった。買い物は少ししました。
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25 tips for relationship success
by Susan Quilliam
What's the key to successful relationships? Here, Susan Quilliam reveals the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work
1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.
二人だけで過ごせる良質の時間が必要。少なくとも、一晩３０分。二人で水いらずの時間を一月に一日は作り出すこと。
2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.
安心や気楽さが必要。互いにギブ＆テイクであること、妥協も必要。
3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.
相手を頼りに思う気持と自立心とのバランスを取ること。相手に、自分にとって
相手がどんなに必要であるかをはっきりと示すこと、伝えること。しかし相手に執着（すがりついたり、相手のそばから一時も離れられない、というような態度）してしまうと、相手は囚われているような息苦しさを感じて逆効果。そのバランス。
（平均台の上をバランス取りながら歩いていける？）
4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.
相手を自分の話に耳を傾けるようにする。相手が話を聞いてくれている時は
そのことに感謝の気持を表現すること。同様に、相手が自分に語りかけてきた時も
関心を見せること。男性は女性以上におしゃべりより静寂と一人の時間が必要な傾向があることを覚えていて。
5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.
自分に感謝させる（か。ちょっと強引な感じもするなあ）。相手が自然に
褒めるのを待っていないで、自分自身のよいところを何か言って、同意を求める
(何だか、母が、『わたしって美人でしょ？誰も言ってくれないから自分で言うの』、とすねたように言ったことあるのを思い出した。その場にいた子供達は苦笑していて、私も何も答えなかったけれど、内心かわいいと思ったな)。
6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.
できれば比較的知り合って早い時期に、こうすれば自分は確実にオーガズムを
得られるという方法についてちゃんと相手に教えてあげること。それについて相手は孤独な格闘をしていることも多いからね。もし自分自身で自分のことをまだ
わかっていなかったら、どうすれば自分がそれを得られるか見つける努力を
しなさい。
7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.
あなたのパートナーに心からの愛情と承認の微笑を引き出すような、あなた方の
関係の中でいい感じを取り戻すようなものを一つすることを学ぶ。
8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.
最初の頃パートナーをあなたに惹き付けたちょっとした奇癖は、しばしば時の流れと共につま先をもつれさせるような煩わしい習慣に変わるものです。
相手をいっさいがっさいありのままに愛するようになること。
9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.
反感を隠していると、関係を悪化させます。ですから、何か気に入らないことがあったら言う事。感情的な会話にはうんざりするものですし、解決法を見つける事を好む
ものです。問題を説明して、答えを見つけるのを助けて欲しいと頼む事。
10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.
相手をやっつけたりこらしめたりするのはうまくいかないものだと知ること。
気に入ったことに報いて気に入らないことは無視する方が得策です。
＃punishing him will actually make him dig his heels in more
ってなんて訳したらいいかな？
11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet (Hodder & Stoughton,£6.99)
12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.
13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.
14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.
15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.
16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.
17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.
18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read my book, Stop Arguing Start Talking (Vermilion, £6.99).
19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.
20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher (Arrow, £8.99).
21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.
22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.
23. Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.
24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.
25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one. Contact Relate on 0845 456 1310 for more information.
------Excerpts from iVillage
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