TLC's Left Eye's dead.
Aliyah died last summer.
Who's next?
"死ぬという現実は、必ずしもやってくるし、私は恐れてはいない。
ただもし願いが叶うなら、死ぬまでにもっと大切な誰かや
自分を愛しいと思えるようになりたい。"
right.
my friend emailed me when I let her know about the news.
Yeah. I'm not afraid of die, but I don't wanna die.

what a selfish.

-

I just broke up with W.
I said good-bye to him without clear reason.
but he accepted it anyway.
that's it.

I don't know I should make up with him or not,
but I'm too tired with other things which surround myself.
and ... the result is I gave up him.

my thought was like this.

I have so many problems and annoying things
in my mind right now, and he is one of the things.

It was just too much to me.
so I tried to reduce one of the things
which has been on my mind.

friends told me I'm wrong, I should call to make up with him.
was it wrong?

was the decision right or wrong?
did I make a wroing decision?


can't say anything.
but only I can tell is that...

I feel like a stone cling to my throat,
my stomack is sick, and I get sick.

water came from my eyes, and it was hot.
and my eyes, now that I can't control them.
can't feel strength in my body.
feel like my body made with iron.
so heavy.
like, I could sink into the bed,
and never flow.
can't look up at the sky.

tired.
I'm tired that he's always in my mind.



I wish I could cry, but I won't. I can't
I wish I could take all things away from me.


I'm feeling sick.
my stomack is very sick now.
how can I handle with these?

ai ｜MAIL